it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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