Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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