I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
