So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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