i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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