the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
