Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
