ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
