You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
