I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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