I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
