oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
