Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
is it fun? or sober?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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