That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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