Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
