Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
