think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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