Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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