I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will pee on everything he values.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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