hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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