I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
