I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize