We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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