I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize