I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
