Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
