Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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