Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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