He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
