I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
