Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
