I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's the barista slut.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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