i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
