i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
