Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
