Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
