So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize