Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize