I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
