i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
