my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
