I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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