Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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