I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
