she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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