If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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