my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
