I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
