It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
