We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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