respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
