do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
