I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
