She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
