my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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