Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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