false alarm. still invincible.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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