I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
