I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
