I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
