Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
